Its Time.
At some point we are all forced to turn down a road in our lives, deliberate or default, that is called destiny. The landmarks (achievements, events, opportunities and the like) are things that to an extent we can control and to another extent we are at the grace and mercy of the One who made us.
Its not inaccurate to say that we could all have possibly been on the road called destiny for longer than we have known but at some point or another we will eventually see and recognize its sign post: the point in our lives where the way before us narrows and our traveling companions begin to take a significant role. 
Like a transition from primary to high school, our lives transition pace. We move from taught to teacher, from  student to young professional, from single to married... its time for the cog of purpose to meet with the cog our heart lives in. For some they cannot define what this purpose is or where its from or may even live oblivious to it and therefor, aimlessly. For the ones who have encountered and know their maker, by unmerited grace they can know Him and although they may not know the exact mapped out rout of their lives, they can know the one who designed them and this world. The rest is a glorious mystery, and no... its not important so don't ask. Just take a step. Then take another step. And another and soon you'll be walking out your destiny.

pain.
dissapointment

I feel like I dont want to let any one close to me because [I don't have any thing to give to them] and
that means they will never want to stay friends with me.

I take from them and then they leave. Because I get too draining.

I hate feeling alone. Really.
But God I know I am not alone. You are with me. You rod and your staff they comfort me. You stick closer than a brother.
I don't have to fear my age.
I don't have to fear loneliness.

needyness

I can almost sense a neediness creap up on me in my relationships. Like an innate desire to please drives me to 'over try' in my relationships. Like I feel instantly when some one is a little distant from me and i want to do something or say something to bring them closer to me.

I wonder if drawing close to others draws them closer to me, as drawing close to my Saviour draws Him close to me.

Too often I feel my thinking slip into a narrow minded phase. It almost disables any ideas and thought from outside my present realm of thought to fly.

The most trapping quality of this habit is the fear of being irritating drives me to cling and be needy and therefore I become irritating or repulsive.

God give us the strength and confidence to live

strong, bold, unapologetic, violently,

distructively to the kingdon of darkness,

 and without reserve.

faliure and success

"Failure is only the opportunity to begin again, only this time more wisely."

~ Henry Ford

"Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm."

~ Sir Winston Churchill

"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

~ Michael Jordan

This is ...

This is... an expression space for me
This is... a journey journal
This is... a start
This is... my human right
This is... for future reference
This is... from my heart
This is... off the top of my head
This is... inside my world
This is... a peek at who i am
This is... just for fun

Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
- Frank Outlaw