Monday, 2 May 2011


I feel like I dont want to let any one close to me because [I don't have any thing to give to them] and
that means they will never want to stay friends with me.

I take from them and then they leave. Because I get too draining.

I hate feeling alone. Really.
But God I know I am not alone. You are with me. You rod and your staff they comfort me. You stick closer than a brother.
I don't have to fear my age.
I don't have to fear loneliness.


I can almost sense a neediness creap up on me in my relationships. Like an innate desire to please drives me to 'over try' in my relationships. Like I feel instantly when some one is a little distant from me and i want to do something or say something to bring them closer to me.

I wonder if drawing close to others draws them closer to me, as drawing close to my Saviour draws Him close to me.

Too often I feel my thinking slip into a narrow minded phase. It almost disables any ideas and thought from outside my present realm of thought to fly.

The most trapping quality of this habit is the fear of being irritating drives me to cling and be needy and therefore I become irritating or repulsive.